Back in Action

My apologies to all my fans for not updating this blog regularly. It's not for lack of material, but between shooing people off my lawn, writing forceful letters to my congressman about Obama-something-or-other, or writing scathing editorials about the latest Microsoft product for Wired Magazine, I just don't have the time.

Take today, for example. Riding in on Rugby as I have done nearly every day for two years, some frat boy in his precious SUV decided to honk at me and "politely" inform me that I needed to be riding in the bike lane as he passed. Since I slowed him down by what must have been hours, I caught up to him at the light by the Rotunda, and we proceeded to have the usual pissing match over who needs to look up the rules of the road.

There was no shouting -- it was pretty tame, really -- and eventually he kind of got the point. Still, I never really get these conversations quite right (in my defense, it's hard to make your case in 15 seconds). But upon further reflection, I should have said the following:

Hey, buddy. You're rocking the whole kakhi pants/button down shirt thing there, so I'm guessing you go to UVa -- judging from your backwards sunglasses, probably the Comm School. That must mean you're smart -- at least on paper -- so let's dig down into your vast critical reasoning ability and take the following quiz:

Most likely, I am riding in the middle of the lane because:

a) Despite being on a bike, I am in fact blind so I had no idea there actually is a bike lane over there,

b) I am deaf, so I didn't hear your horn telling me to get out of your way,**

c) I knew I was holding you up, but I really enjoy it when impatient idiots tell me that they “worry about my safety”, or

d) Perhaps, just perhaps I am aware enough of my surroundings to realize that the bike lane is currently taken up by slower, lesser cyclists, and if I don't want to run them over, I should probably find a way to go around them.

Alas, all that might be more than 15 seconds.

**OK, this one is theoretically possible, but I doubt this was running through our hero's head